I don't have a job, a steady income, and as of June 1st, a secure place to live. I also won't have health insurance nor do I have a husband to rely on for emotional or financial support. I don't come from a wealthy family that can give me a loan until I get back on my feet. Sometimes, I feel like the weight of the world has pushed me to the ground and that I won't be able to get back up. Sometimes, I look to the sky and scream at the top of my lungs at the God that surely is punishing me for something. There are those sad, self loathing days that even getting out of bed seems impossible.
But I do. I push on. Why? It's the dance party that I had during a softball game with my 14 year old niece.  It's the dating advice from my 18 year old niece that has me cracking up every time I think of it.  It's the completely random 45 minute phone call from a couple of friends that I can barely understand because we are laughing more than speaking. It's the text message at 11 at night from my smart ass brother that has me grinning ear to ear. It's my mom telling me not to ever leave my drink unattended, ever. It's a friend insisting that I walk for graduation because I am the reason she made it through.
It's sunshine and wine.


It's all of these things and so much more.

It's probably a good thing that you don't live closer. 

Things need to magically fall into place.

Reflective this Saturday morning as I am sipping on my usual hot chocolate/swiss coffee mix. Please don't forget the whipped cream. Who cares if it's from a can and adds an extra 21 unnecessary calories. It is Saturday and I slept in. Well, I slept in until 7:30 a.m. Aging is apparent when sleeping in does not consist of rubbing ones bleary crusted over eyes, rolling over and glancing at a clock that reads 11:47 and groaning sounds of disappointment. No, instead it is waking up with a start, excited to see that you have not wasted most of the morning, feel well rested, and look forward to simplicity, such as coffee and pandora. Add job hunting to the list and my morning is set.

Good Morning.

So many cliche phrases, sayings, and quotes are running through my mind right now. "I'd rather loved and lost than never loved at all..." or  "Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option..." and the ever popular "Everything happens for a reason..."



Silly as they sound, they are what help push me forward.

I am getting antsy. I have so many decisions to make. They are coming up so fast. Where to live, where to work, where to love?  I don't want to have any regrets.

I am so pissed. You think you know someone...